Written by Melissa Zimmerman, Sleep Health Writer
If you’ve been missing out on sleep, you may feel crankier than normal. This can put a damper on your day, but does it impact your relationships, too?
I examined the research and consulted sleep doctors to learn more about the correlation between sleep quality and relationship happiness. Keep reading to learn more about the science and find ways to improve your sleep hygiene.
Research suggests that poor sleep quality negatively impacts mood. Lack of sleep can also cause people to have negative feelings about their relationships, which can increase conflict between couples.
How Sleep Deprivation Affects Mood
Why does a bad night’s sleep cause such negative emotions? Researchers believe that sleep deprivation interferes with the connection between two critically important areas of our brain: the prefrontal cortex, which is associated with rational thought and logical decision-making, and the amygdala, which processes emotions such as fear, anxiety, and aggression.
When you get plenty of sleep, the prefrontal cortex regulates the amygdala. Lose out on a few hours of sleep for just two days, or have one single night of sleep deprivation, however, and that balanced connection gets uncoupled.
A meta-analysis examined 64 studies to examine the effect of sleep deprivation on mood and emotion. Researchers found that sleep deprivation notably increases negative mood and decreases positive mood. Sleep deprivation can also exacerbate pre-existing mood disturbances such as anger, depression, and anxiety.
Sleep deprivation can also hinder your ability to manage stress, explains biopsychologist Dr. Mary Poffenroth.
“The main stress hormone in our body, cortisol, is regulated in great part by sleep. Our cortisol levels may become unbalanced when we sleep less than needed, which increases our stress reaction,” Poffenroth says. “Because our body and mind lack the means to properly manage, this imbalance can make even little pressures intolerable. This can cause chronic stress over time, which affects mental as well as physical health extensively.”
Negative Moods and Relationships
It’s bad enough that a night without sleep can amplify negative emotions like anger and depression. The negative effect of sleep deprivation can also take a toll on your romantic relationships.
The quality of your sleep can significantly impact how supported you and your partner feel within a romantic relationship. A 2023 study among 100 couples revealed that when participants experienced poor sleep, they reported providing less support to their partners. The study also suggests that this link between impaired sleep and reduced support was primarily caused by increased negative emotions, such as anger or sadness.
Not getting enough sleep can negatively affect the way you perceive your romantic partner and the quality of your relationship. Another 2023 study found that poor sleep led to angrier feelings, and these intensified feelings resulted in more negative perceptions about their romantic relationships.
A lack of sleep can lead to more conflict between couples. In one study, researchers found participants reported more conflict and fights following a poor night’s sleep.
“When we don’t get enough sleep or quality sleep, it impacts our mental health,” explains sleep expert Dr. Catherine Darley. “This includes everything from increasing anxiety and depression to decreasing happiness. It also impacts our awareness of other people’s experiences. For instance, people who experience insomnia or obstructive sleep apnea are not as sensitive to sleepiness demonstrated on another’s face. This can potentially negatively impact our relationships.”
How to Improve Your Sleep
Getting quality sleep can help support your mood and benefit your romantic relationship. But about one in three Americans experience sleep debt, which is the difference between the amount of sleep you need and the amount you actually get.
How do you take corrective measures if you’ve been experiencing poor sleep?
Sleep hygiene is a term that describes a series of healthy sleep habits, behaviors, and environmental factors that can help improve the quality of your sleep. By focusing on these behaviors and improving your sleeping space, you can improve your sleep and boost your mood, which could benefit your relationship.
Create a Relaxing Sleep Space
If you’ve ever had a terrible night sleep because of a room that is too hot, loud, or bright, you know how important your sleep space is. Creating a relaxing sleep environment can help you fall asleep and stay asleep.
Ensuring your room is dark and quiet can help a lot. The temperature of your bedroom is also important — your body likes a cool sleeping space.
You may also want to consider adding aromatherapy. Although the research is still limited at this time, lavender essential oil has been shown in recent studies to improve sleep quality.
Keep a Consistent Sleep Schedule
Going to bed and waking up at the same time every day can also help you get the consistent sleep you need. Your circadian rhythm is your natural sleep-wake cycle. If it gets out of sync, you can potentially experience a sleep-wake disorder or a mood disorder.
If you find yourself sleepy during the day, needing naps, or having an inconsistent bedtime, it may be time to fix your sleep schedule. Pick a sleep and wake time that can help you get between seven and nine hours of sleep each night and stick to it.
Limit Electronic Devices Before Bed
A growing body of research suggests blue light exposure can negatively impact your sleep. Spending the last waking moments of your day scrolling through your smartphone or staring at your laptop can disrupt your sleep cycle and your natural melatonin production. Set a cut off time for electronics two to three hours before bedtime. Use that time to unwind from your day in a non-techy way: Take a warm bath or shower, read a book, or journal before bedtime instead.
Upgrade Your Mattress and Bedding
Your bed can make or break your sleep. If you have pain or discomfort keeping you awake at night, that’s a sign it could be time to upgrade your mattress. A comfortable and supportive mattress can help you maintain a neutral spine alignment, which can prevent backaches and joint pain. Outside of back and joint pain, many couples and those who share a mattress say that motion isolation has helped to improve their sleep quality. Our experts have reviewed and tested over 600 mattresses to identify the best mattresses for couples, consider reading our review to find a mattress that will work for both you and your partner.
Quality bedding can help, too. The best sheets for a good night’s sleep are breathable and comfortable, keeping you cool and cozy.